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The Value of Valuing Yourself.

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” ~M.Scott Peck

Before we begin, I’d like to ask you a question; have you ever had a conversation with a girl over text that went something like this?

(Yes, it’s a link to a reasonably large image. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.)

Are you back? Good. For those of you unable to scroll through the image, it’s a humorous compilation of what a rejection looks like. Not the brutal, flat out rejection, which however damaging to a man’s ego forces him to adjust and improve his Game, and saves him valuable time; no, this time of rejection is far more common and insidious.

Passive Rejection

For as far as I’m aware, the best term for this type of rejection would be called “stringing along”, or Passive Rejection. For some, it’s a way to ease themselves out of an awkward conversation with a male suitor, but for others it’s a manipulative tool, designed not only to spare themselves the guilt or other feelings associated with turning someone down, but to keep them in a kind of locked stasis, a kind of negative zone where the woman is not offering the man anything of value (aside from periodic conversation and a vague promise of something more) while still being able to call upon his attention (and possibly resources).

This is also commonly referred to in the Manosphere as a Beta Orbiter; for an attractive woman, a Beta Orbiter is what an attractive woman is to a Playboy; they fulfill their sexual strategy to it’s utmost degree.

Women’s ovulatory cycle motivates for the sexual optimization of the Alpha, as well as the provisioning security / parental investment optimization that (usually, not exclusively) the Beta represents. ~Madonnas and Whores

Beta Orbiters

The criterion for short term coupling are much easier to demand when a woman is in her peak fertility phase of life and thus places these prerequisites above what she would find more desirable for a long-term pairing. The extrinsic male-characteristic prerequisites for short-term sexual strategy (hot, quick Alpha sex) preempts the long-term qualifications for as long as she’s sexually viable enough to attract men.

Beta Orbiters generally follow the assumption that if they wait, if they “hang on” long enough, that the women they find attractive will realise how much effort he puts into being their friend and realise him as a worthy sexual partner. This false notion is enforced and perpetuated by a lot of the media; movies and TV shows will unashamedly show the dorky guy winning over his dream girl because he simply stuck around long enough and adorned her with attention.

Before the Red Pill I used to wonder aloud how unfair it was that I- a “Nice Guy™” was being looked over by women, and then I was consoled with one incredible, slightly off sentence.

“Don’t worry, later on in life you’ll have plenty of girls coming after you.”

Even before then I’d hated the idea of settling, but that one sentence sparked something in me; something snapped, and I realised the world they were painting in my head as pleasant and hopeful was actually serving what Rollo Tomassi describes as the Feminine Imperative. I didn’t like the idea of women, having had their fun in their 20’s and 30’s, and then finally deciding to settle for me. In a way this little social engineering was one of the first glitches in the Matrix for me, a sign that something wasn’t right. It would be roughly a year from that point that I would read and discover The Game, and a year and a half from when I would discover The Rational Male.

The Red Pill

But this isn’t a rant against women. In fact, as far as the Red Pill goes, it’s actually in the interest of women as well. It gives them men who are men, self reliant and positively masculine. That is something which this world (especially the overly feminised western world) desperately needs. The Red Pill has two main effects; the realisation of the realities of the world (mostly in a male/female dating sense) and the focus on self improvement in order to achieve success in dating and other areas of life.

The world we grow up in today is increasingly feminised, and while I’m all for equal human rights, what the feminist movement has evolved into has effectively become what George Orwells described as “Newspeak”, as described by Raywolf; “A word that appears to have one meaning (with a positive connotation) but in fact carries a negative and socially harmful—even controlling content to it, whilst having nothing to do with what the average person might actually glean from the term on face value.”

Many people, men and women, are tempted to identify as “feminist” because they assume that the word stands for what feminism says it stands for in a modern, idealistically utopian society. That everyone is and should be treated as an equal. This kind of feel good blanket statement looks like a good moral strategy on paper, but what many fail to realise is that a large core of feminists actually seek to overpower men in a gender war, rather than ensure equality.

Here’s a link to a thrashing, radical feminist response to a guest Men’s Right’s Association lecture being held at the campus.

In response to this, Joshua Kennon wrote an article about the incident in which he implored that “The way these protestors are behaving is exactly the opposite of how you should strive to live your life.  If someone wants to promote an idea, you don’t block the doors and keep people out (doing so only indicates you fear what they say).  Instead, you throw open the doors, turn on the spotlights, turn up the microphone, and then invite the informed to debate, discuss, evaluate, weigh, measure, and work out whether there is truth in the idea.

For the record, while I like the idea of complete and utter equality, I think what it tends to forget is that all too often feminist equality forgets, disregards or completely ignores reasonable sexual dimorphism or, in cases like the one above, common sense. If it were a group of MRAs protesting a feminist lecture, this may have proceeded into a drastically different scenario. If we’re going to call on this banner of equality, let us call ourselves Egalitarians instead; it’s a pure, simple, underused term that has no trace of gender (like the feminine in feminism, or man of manosphere) so the radicals on both sides can relax.

Valuing Yourself

In the face of all of these opposing forces, how do we identify the proper way to value ourselves? In terms of the Beta Orbiter, what I learned from the Red Pill was that I also had a hand in how I was perceived by women, and had to make a commitment to improving myself in order to change it; I forced myself to engage more socially with others, dress better, understand the opposite sex and reaped the benefits. The rule here is that we have to recognize that our choices impact us and what we can expect from other people.

In terms of Passive Rejection, the appropriate thing to do is to understand that the Let’s Just Be Friends response women take to a suitor is a rejection, to not take it personally, and finally strive to improve yourself and move on.

As for the Red Pill and the response to feminism as a modern, progressive society’s “default”, I suggest using the term Egalitarian for it’s genderless, true equality, and not the false connotations of feminism as a strive to complete equality. Value yourself, and as I find in this day and age of the incompetent, beer guzzling mother coddled dads and men we are shown on a daily basis through media, it is essential to add that you must respect yourself as a Man. Masculinity is all too often depicted as either incompetent or violent and aggressive, and while it has some elements of these (Men are more likely to be an idiot or a genius, and that testosterone, the main Masculine hormone, fuels aggression, but also competitiveness and pro-social behaviours.) you should not allow this social conditioning to remove or degrade your natural masculinity.

In my next posts, I’ll be talking more about self improvement, the language of PUA and the Red Pill, and other male/female relations dynamics.

In the meantime, stay classy.



Review of the Year; 2013

It’s important to look back on the year you’ve just had. If you can do so with no regrets, you are living life to the fullest. If you do have regrets, it’s a great learning experience. As Confucius says,

” By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” ~Confucius

In this respect, we should aim to be noble as we end one year and begin the next.

When I was a boy, my father brought myself and my younger brother out to the small veranda out on the second storey. There was barely space enough for the three of us, but he wanted to make a point. At the time you could see the New Year’s Eve fireworks from the Brisbane city River from our house, and as they took to the sky and exploded, he said to us;

“Close your eyes. Reflect on the year you have had. Think about everything, everything you’ve done and wanted to do, and what you want to achieve. Don’t hold onto regrets, and embrace the New Year.”

My father is a stoic man, who doesn’t speak without something important to say so I took those words to heart (though after 10 or so years the exact wording escapes me, that was the gist of it). America may have one day to go before they countdown to the New Year, but in Australia it’s Crunch Time. I write this blogpost as a way both for myself to reflect and to allow you, the reader, to reflect with me.

What year have you had?

This year has been eventful. I swallowed the Red Pill. Roosh correctly predicted that this year ‘the manosphere goes viral’. The ABC 20/20 debacle proved the media is biased. However you view it, Tuthmosis’ ‘24 signs she’s a slut‘ and ‘5 reasons to date a girl with an eating disorder‘ put Return of Kings on the map (and for many feminists, the butcher’s block) with these articles. ‘Fat shaming week happened’. I have my disagreements with ROK on certain subjects, but I see enough focus on Positive Masculinity that makes viewing the site worth it. I discovered Rollo Tomassi’s the Rational Male. I read the Game.

And that’s just the Manosphere-related stuff.

Miley Cyrus wrecked her career. Kanye almost decided not to go for a pre-nup, despite what he would tell you in his best song ‘Gold Digger.’ And a whole bunch of other stuff that no-one outside the celebrity world really cares about. Oh, and the Doctor regenerated.

For myself, it’s been a year of coming into awareness  and understanding. I went from PUA literature like The Game to it’s more powerful incarnation the Red Pill. And I’ve suddenly become aware of all the small things I was doing wrong (and right) and made the decision to fix these.

I imagine your year has been quite eventful as well.

What did you achieve?

Overall, I dress better. People now compliment me on my dress sense, and I’ve had a few less fashion conscious friends ask me for help. I’m much more direct and social, and I’ve learned the benefits to getting everything I want. I’ve established a reputation among my university friends, and I’ve started a blog.

What do you want to achieve?

I want to improve myself. ‘Socially‘, ‘Physically,‘ and ‘Mentally‘. There’s no excuse, particularly as ‘MIT puts all of their course materials up for free on their website.‘ I’m also getting myself more into my film aspirations, with four independent short films under my belt I’m moving onwards and upwards from here.


I’ve got regrets. I think that it’s very hard to live in a way for a year where you don’t regret at least one thing that you did. That’s just the price of hindsight. But as many approaches that I’ve messed up, as many dumb things I’ve said, or bad jokes made; I’ve learned from it all. And in saying that, I think I can honestly admit my mistakes, and learn from them.

In summing, I’d like to borrow a quote from John Barrowman;
“Yet if I was asked to do this again – in fact, if I was ever asked to repeat any of my experiences – I’d have to say, fuck it, bring them on. I’ve no regrets.
This is what it means to be alive.”

Close your eyes. Reach in deep. Think about the year you’ve had, your triumphs, your fumbles, your realisations. Empty yourself of regret. Make a new promise to yourself, one to be a better you. Ask yourself these questions, once a year, every year, and honestly apply yourself throughout the year, to be better than you were before.

Be a better you.

“We all change. When you think about it, we’re all different people all through our lives.
And that’s OK, that’s good, as long as you keep moving, as long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.” ~Matt Smith’s last words as the Doctor.

Welcome to the blog(man)osphere.


If you’re here, for whatever the reason, you should stay.

Because this post could change your life.

My name is Harkness, and I’ll be guiding you through what will be a learning experience for us both. I’m going to share my experiences in the dating world, as well as the highlights of recent events. Hopefully you’ll like it, and we’ll grow together.

But first, an introduction. I’m a reasonably young man making his way through the world, and on the way I have learnt things. Things that I wish to pass onto you.

I won’t tell you about my first real experience in dating, or the four almost-cliche years that followed, but what happened around the time I turned twenty was something spectacular. As a good friend of mine turned to me and jokingly picked up a book, I began to read it.

That book turned out to be The Game.

More on this later. I’m out.