Archive | February 2014

The Value of Valuing Yourself.

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” ~M.Scott Peck

Before we begin, I’d like to ask you a question; have you ever had a conversation with a girl over text that went something like this?
http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6895491/yo-lets-text-for-a-while-and-then-maybe-hook-up

(Yes, it’s a link to a reasonably large image. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.)

Are you back? Good. For those of you unable to scroll through the image, it’s a humorous compilation of what a rejection looks like. Not the brutal, flat out rejection, which however damaging to a man’s ego forces him to adjust and improve his Game, and saves him valuable time; no, this time of rejection is far more common and insidious.

Passive Rejection

For as far as I’m aware, the best term for this type of rejection would be called “stringing along”, or Passive Rejection. For some, it’s a way to ease themselves out of an awkward conversation with a male suitor, but for others it’s a manipulative tool, designed not only to spare themselves the guilt or other feelings associated with turning someone down, but to keep them in a kind of locked stasis, a kind of negative zone where the woman is not offering the man anything of value (aside from periodic conversation and a vague promise of something more) while still being able to call upon his attention (and possibly resources).

This is also commonly referred to in the Manosphere as a Beta Orbiter; for an attractive woman, a Beta Orbiter is what an attractive woman is to a Playboy; they fulfill their sexual strategy to it’s utmost degree.

Women’s ovulatory cycle motivates for the sexual optimization of the Alpha, as well as the provisioning security / parental investment optimization that (usually, not exclusively) the Beta represents. ~Madonnas and Whores

Beta Orbiters

The criterion for short term coupling are much easier to demand when a woman is in her peak fertility phase of life and thus places these prerequisites above what she would find more desirable for a long-term pairing. The extrinsic male-characteristic prerequisites for short-term sexual strategy (hot, quick Alpha sex) preempts the long-term qualifications for as long as she’s sexually viable enough to attract men.
~Mrs.Hyde

Beta Orbiters generally follow the assumption that if they wait, if they “hang on” long enough, that the women they find attractive will realise how much effort he puts into being their friend and realise him as a worthy sexual partner. This false notion is enforced and perpetuated by a lot of the media; movies and TV shows will unashamedly show the dorky guy winning over his dream girl because he simply stuck around long enough and adorned her with attention.

Before the Red Pill I used to wonder aloud how unfair it was that I- a “Nice Guy™” was being looked over by women, and then I was consoled with one incredible, slightly off sentence.

“Don’t worry, later on in life you’ll have plenty of girls coming after you.”

Even before then I’d hated the idea of settling, but that one sentence sparked something in me; something snapped, and I realised the world they were painting in my head as pleasant and hopeful was actually serving what Rollo Tomassi describes as the Feminine Imperative. I didn’t like the idea of women, having had their fun in their 20’s and 30’s, and then finally deciding to settle for me. In a way this little social engineering was one of the first glitches in the Matrix for me, a sign that something wasn’t right. It would be roughly a year from that point that I would read and discover The Game, and a year and a half from when I would discover The Rational Male.

The Red Pill

But this isn’t a rant against women. In fact, as far as the Red Pill goes, it’s actually in the interest of women as well. It gives them men who are men, self reliant and positively masculine. That is something which this world (especially the overly feminised western world) desperately needs. The Red Pill has two main effects; the realisation of the realities of the world (mostly in a male/female dating sense) and the focus on self improvement in order to achieve success in dating and other areas of life.

The world we grow up in today is increasingly feminised, and while I’m all for equal human rights, what the feminist movement has evolved into has effectively become what George Orwells described as “Newspeak”, as described by Raywolf; “A word that appears to have one meaning (with a positive connotation) but in fact carries a negative and socially harmful—even controlling content to it, whilst having nothing to do with what the average person might actually glean from the term on face value.”

Many people, men and women, are tempted to identify as “feminist” because they assume that the word stands for what feminism says it stands for in a modern, idealistically utopian society. That everyone is and should be treated as an equal. This kind of feel good blanket statement looks like a good moral strategy on paper, but what many fail to realise is that a large core of feminists actually seek to overpower men in a gender war, rather than ensure equality.

Here’s a link to a thrashing, radical feminist response to a guest Men’s Right’s Association lecture being held at the campus.

In response to this, Joshua Kennon wrote an article about the incident in which he implored that “The way these protestors are behaving is exactly the opposite of how you should strive to live your life.  If someone wants to promote an idea, you don’t block the doors and keep people out (doing so only indicates you fear what they say).  Instead, you throw open the doors, turn on the spotlights, turn up the microphone, and then invite the informed to debate, discuss, evaluate, weigh, measure, and work out whether there is truth in the idea.

For the record, while I like the idea of complete and utter equality, I think what it tends to forget is that all too often feminist equality forgets, disregards or completely ignores reasonable sexual dimorphism or, in cases like the one above, common sense. If it were a group of MRAs protesting a feminist lecture, this may have proceeded into a drastically different scenario. If we’re going to call on this banner of equality, let us call ourselves Egalitarians instead; it’s a pure, simple, underused term that has no trace of gender (like the feminine in feminism, or man of manosphere) so the radicals on both sides can relax.

Valuing Yourself

In the face of all of these opposing forces, how do we identify the proper way to value ourselves? In terms of the Beta Orbiter, what I learned from the Red Pill was that I also had a hand in how I was perceived by women, and had to make a commitment to improving myself in order to change it; I forced myself to engage more socially with others, dress better, understand the opposite sex and reaped the benefits. The rule here is that we have to recognize that our choices impact us and what we can expect from other people.

In terms of Passive Rejection, the appropriate thing to do is to understand that the Let’s Just Be Friends response women take to a suitor is a rejection, to not take it personally, and finally strive to improve yourself and move on.

As for the Red Pill and the response to feminism as a modern, progressive society’s “default”, I suggest using the term Egalitarian for it’s genderless, true equality, and not the false connotations of feminism as a strive to complete equality. Value yourself, and as I find in this day and age of the incompetent, beer guzzling mother coddled dads and men we are shown on a daily basis through media, it is essential to add that you must respect yourself as a Man. Masculinity is all too often depicted as either incompetent or violent and aggressive, and while it has some elements of these (Men are more likely to be an idiot or a genius, and that testosterone, the main Masculine hormone, fuels aggression, but also competitiveness and pro-social behaviours.) you should not allow this social conditioning to remove or degrade your natural masculinity.

In my next posts, I’ll be talking more about self improvement, the language of PUA and the Red Pill, and other male/female relations dynamics.

In the meantime, stay classy.

~Harkness

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